My minimum age will change as I get older. Well, most of them.
I do have an age limit for dating. At 22, my dating limit is 35; 7 years younger than my parents. Ageism is a real thing in the gay community. The older you get, the smaller your dating pool gets. Well, most of us are.
Because then, you have no leverage, no selling point when it comes to dating. The more money you have, the more options in terms of dating you have, because a lot of gay people will overlook their prerequisites if you have money. Well, not just gay people…. Age generally does not seem to be a major issue for many, as long as it is with a legal and consensual adult.
On people in relationships with a notable age difference the likes of Somizi and Mohale, for example , some agree that the assumptions and backlash the couple have received is unfair. Alutha Tshezi, 24, Cape Town. As we grow older, we get to experience more, specifically more trauma in the form of rejection and heart breaks; and I believe this happens more rapidly and commonly for queer people, especially in the early twenties.
The dating pool is limited generally within the gay community because desirability is based on certain standards of beauty, class and education , etc.
We are a shallow bunch and that makes it very difficult to widen our horizons when it comes to dating. The way the relationship is set up is actually quite common — a wealthy much older man, with a young and very beautiful partner — especially in entertainment.
Having said that, I think people should just mind their business and let the couple be. Mncedisi Wotshela, 22, Bloemfontein So many gay guys hide under preferences and we tend to not open our minds but we say we are. We tend to think with our penis more than our minds. I love Somizi. Somizi loves Mohale wholeheartedly.
Whenever Somizi introduces him to people he greets them and gets back to his shell. If Somizi loves Mohale let him, no matter the age. It either fulfills and expands you, or it doesn't. If you do decide to leave your current relationship, be sure to take time to heal yourself and make yourself emotionally self-sufficient. Until you do, you won't find or be fit for the kind of relationship you yearn for.
I'm a straight man, but one of my gay acquaintances born , after having been in a loving couple for many years only to see it wither due to That Illness, which destroyed him ; but he then found renewed love later in life at least , so age 34 , and finally married the guy in at age They live happily together in their house as I write this.
Now married 26 years. Great thing. The stroy of a very dear friend of mine: He was just over 40 and I believe he seriously wondered if he was going to find anyone at his age. He did, a year ago and he and his Mr. Right are very happy. You're not going to find a great guy if you remain in a relationship you aren't completely happy with. You're not too old for the dating pool, you're just in a different and, in my opinion, far superior pool. Much like DrGail , my boyfriend 33 and I one month shy of 35 met after both of us had previously been married.
Five years after my divorce, I was still single and believed I would be so for the rest of my life. I planned to invest my emotional energy in my friends, family, and in caring for my patients. I'd made my peace with the idea of finding emotional fulfillment in ways other than a lifelong romantic relationship.
I think it would have worked out just fine for me, too; I was very happy with my life and my sense of who I was, and I rarely felt lonely.
The more money you have, the more options in terms of dating you have, because a lot of gay people will overlook their prerequisites if you have money. Well, lots of people find their permanent partner when they're over Manage your email preferences and tell us which topics interest you so that we can prioritize the information you receive. Well, most of them. They were together until my grandfather passed, after some 20 years of marriage, and were clearly in love when together. However, many guys are too firm in their "preferences," so much so that they reject potential partners even before knowing their names. They want a good-looking lad on their arm to control them.
Part of the sheer, punch-drunk joy I feel when I think about my committed relationship now is how unexpected it was when it started, how thoroughly it upended my ideas about my life, and how much like a wonderful gift it continues to feel. I'm winning the lottery every day. So yes, it is absolutely possible to find deep, abiding, make-your-friends-roll-their-eyes-and-tell-you-to-get-a-room-already love no matter what your age. That said I've been in a long-term relationship, so I know what it's like and I can prove to prospective partners that I know how to be in one Except that instead of ending a relationship with which you seem to be unsatisfied, you stay in it for fear that you won't be able to find another one.
I was married for the first time at Divorced 7 years later. Re-married at 42, to a woman with whom I fathered my only child.
We divorced after 14 years. That was three years ago. Do the math. The short answer: You cannot see what is coming. Try to know who you are. Great, unexpected joy can come to you at any moment. On preview, what DrGail said.
Wanting to be partnered is nice and all, but statistics put us at about half the population being single later in life. You would be wise, especially if your current relationship is failing, to spend some time becoming comfortable with yourself before you try to land yourself a permanent relationship. Not that wanting a partnership is wrong or bad or undesirable, but without becoming comfortable on your own first, you may ultimately be doing yourself and your next relationship a disservice.
You've not provided a lot of details about why your relationship is failing, and so it is hard for us to gauge what your potential success will be in finding a new partner. That said, I do truly believe that we each have a lot of options out there, and it is just a matter of connecting with one or more, as the case may be! What qualities are you looking for in a partner? So far, it sounds like you just want a warm body. But I doubt that is the case. Your silence on this subject and your current failing relationship may underscore the fact that you might not yet know what you want - only some things you don't want.
I encourage you to identify both of those things: Personalities change over time. I know mine has. At 16 I wanted a white picket fence and a husband and two children and a Subaru and a membership in a nice synagogue in the suburbs. Today I'm an agnostic anti-monogamist who wants no children and who is pretty sure that whatever relationship he falls into wont be able to be described as "settling down. I'll have another decade under my belt before I am in your age range, and who knows how I'll feel then.
But it is important to gauge what you are looking for in a partner against the age range you are looking at. I'd like to point out that your "resume" should reflect the fact that you got bored with your previous LTR. All of my partners have been over I look for a man who knows how to act and behave, and now to treat me well. I'm not looking for drama, fighting and dealing with someone else's issues, thank you very much. I'm not saying that younger people have more issues, just that younger people are less "settled", in my experience. YMMV, etc. Are you not a good one? Are you not looking for a serious relationship?
Are you undateable? Chances are, there are a lot of guys out there who are looking for someone, but who aren't even bothering to try because they feel the same way you do, as highlighted above.
If you put yourself out there, and try , you might get lucky. Age isn't a barrier to finding love.
Attitude is. Had 6-year rel with someone, was afraid to leave for your reasons. Finally left. Found love of life at My mom and her college sweetheart broke up over a misunderstanding, went off and had separate lives with spouses and children and careers and widowhood and widowerhood, got back in touch after close to 50 years, fell in love, got married, and seem very, very happy together.
I found said love of life just a couple of months after breaking up with the six-year LTR. I think the relief made me giddy and fun to be around. Don't underestimate how weighted and miserable an unsatisfying relationship can make you feel. Right, I'm done being flip with some of the other answers Here's the parts of your response that gave me some warning bells.
I definitely want to be coupled with someone, and my fear is that at 35 years old, I'm too old to find a great guy. With all due respect, I'm not so sure it's that you "know how to be in a relationship" so much that you "know how to avoid the discomfort of being single. You're not looking for "well, I don't want to be single, and this is the relationship I've got available to me now, so here I am. But it may be worth your considering how much of your relationship has been about the relationship itself, and that one specific person, and how much has been about "I just want to be with someone, and you're the person who happens to be here.
But, if you find that most of your motivation for staying in a relationship has been that you were just trying to avoid being single, I'd advise you that that's something you would want to fix BEFORE trying to find someone else. Because while you're looking for someone who would be a good partner to you, YOU would also have to be a good partner to THEM, and being a good partner to someone is more of an active "I choose you" thing rather than "well, I don't want to be single, and you're around, so there you go.
What General Tonic said! In general, I find people who are fresh out of long-term relationships are clueless about dating. I once had a man ask me, "Have you ever lived with someone? Been engaged?